Good day, my enchanting readers.

For several years now, I have noticed how certain people seem to think that “balling” their eyes out” means that they cried a lot. Hold on. Let me take a deep breath before I continue. This is one of those blunders that makes me wonder what is going to happen to this planet.

You see, “balling” your eyes out is not a thing. Every time you use that phrase, you make a puppy cry and a baby unicorn dies. Every time someone thinks that phrase makes sense, all of the technological and intellectual advances we’ve achieved on this planet get set back a couple of centuries. You might as well go socialize with people who think the world is flat. Because frankly, that’s as much sense as you make when you “ball” your eyes out.

For Crying Out Loud, Please Pay Attention

According to urbandictionary.com, a “baller” is a person with swag. I don’t even care to know the actual definition of swag, because nobody is going to be using that word anyway by the time the current generation is out of college.

Also according to urbandictionary.com, balling means to be rich. But when you search for the word on Merriam Webster, it takes you to the definition of ball.

Yes, my dearest: A ball, like that round thing children and athletes play with.

So when you mean to say that you cried a lot, or you wailed, or you’re weeping nonstop after reading a Hallmark card or watching a sappy video, please know that the proper way to communicate it in writing is by saying that you were bawling your eyes out. BAWLING. From the verb BAWL, which means to cry or wail.

Thank you, oh so much, for paying attention to this lesson. Best regards, and warmest wishes.

Much love,

The Fairy Godwriter